Home Alone

Today was n-a-s-t-y.  Cold and windy and rainy and everything you don’t want the weather to be!  And I traipsed about in it anyway, searching for boots.  I buy the same pair of boots every winter, because those are the only knee-high boots I have ever been able to find that fit my calves… and I’ve had this problem since high school.  It preceded my ED — I just have naturally small calves.  Which makes finding boots all but impossible.  Anyway, I can’t find these boots anywhere this year.  The pair from last year are all but destroyed… and I don’t know what I am going to do if I don’t find boots soon, because… yeah, it’s kinda cold.

Then I went to Blockbuster to redeem my coupon.  I go there exactly once a month for exactly that reason.  Apparently, it is going out of business, so if I want to redeem my coupons now, I need to go to another one.  First I have to find one.  Sigh.

After all this trekking about in the cold and rain, I came home and immediately put on my “warm slippers”:

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My “best friend” once bought these frogs for me as a joke… I don’t think she thought I’d ever actually wear them!  ;)

I had the house to myself all day today.  Still do, in fact; my brother is at work and my parents went to my cousin’s upsherin a few states over… and five hours’ drive away.  You’d think I’d relish this rare opportunity, and I do, I guess.  I worked for a few hours on one of the papers I have due… it needs to be ten pages minimum, I’ve got it at eight, and I have nothing more to say.  What I did say kind of sucks, but I’ve been lucky in that regard so far, so I hope that continues.  But nothing is ever good enough for me… if I worked on one paper, I should have worked on two; if I’d worked on two, I’d be upset it wasn’t three; and if I finished every last scrap of work I need to do, I’d be unhappy with its quality.  On top of that, since losing my fight with Dreamweaver, I emailed my professor to ask her what I’m supposed to do… she never replied, but she did send around an email to the whole class yesterday to tell us how to hand in the assignment.  Nice.  Now I’ll have to do a slop job tomorrow before class to finish it up, and I hate doing that.  And I also need to meet with my advisor (with whom I have spoken exactly once since I began grad school, and she was distinctly unhelpful), because I apparently have to get my course selections approved before registering for the spring semester.  When am I supposed to find time for that if I have to do an assignment that I was supposed to work on all week?!

Oh, and just as the Sunday night blues are hitting full force, I happen to find that my albino rainbow shark is dead.  So, yeah… even though I do like having the whole house to myself, I need other people around to distract me from sitting and moping.  Because if I’m not doing something constructive, like I should be…

Honestly, I am completely astonished that I manage to get done with as many things as I do, given my incredibly lackadaisical and procrastinating nature.

Some food?  Here goes.

I have no idea what possesses me to think that I will like soy cheese when I don’t like cheese at all.  But, nevertheless…

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I topped two rice cakes with my murderous salsa, and topped that with Tofutti Mozzarella Soy-Cheese Slices. It smelled like cheese, which is off-putting to me.  I don’t know why I keep trying things I know I don’t like!!  (And isn’t that the very definition of insanity — doing the same things repeatedly and expecting different results?!)

This next endeavor was a bit more successful.  (But I knew it would be, since I’ve had it before.)

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Ezekiel 4:9 granola, warmed soymilk, and banana.  I think I may have even forgotten the cinnamon.  Using warmed soymilk on this granola gives it a texture not unlike thick oatmeal.  Works for me!

This is another one of the weird things I do… I don’t like using pumpkin in things since then I have to finish the rest of the can, and I hate eating things just because I feel like I “have” to.  So I made these whole wheat peach waffles…

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…using this.  Don’t judge!  :p

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Whole grain rotini, Lightlife Smart Tex Mex, and a mountain of broccoli.  I used to think that this Tex Mex was spicy.  The salsa I’ve been using lately has changed my mind.  But I still quite like this… even if it does look a bit like dog food!

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It’s finally empty!!  Don’t get me wrong — I really like these apple peanut butter Keribars.  But since I’ve been eating them practically every. single. day. because the expiration date was sooner than I realized (since when do I even care about things like that?!), I am just a little bit sick of them and will be waiting for a while before buying them again!

…and finally, the biggie.

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I made a sandwich.

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I wrapped it up and put it in the refrigerator on top of the salad I am taking for lunch.  This is all going to be so anti-climactic, I know, because it’s just a freaking sandwich, and nothing will happen to me if I eat it.  I mean, yeah, I’ll probably be subjected to quite a bout of anxiety / self-loathing, but hey, that’s nothing new.  And the more I write here, the more I am actually feeling like that, so I am going to shut up now.

Have a great week!

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7 responses to “Home Alone

  1. I’m so sorry about your fish :-(

  2. i hear you on the sammie anxiety. i thought it was only me.

  3. laurasworthlesswords

    Lol I do the same I keep trying foods that I just know I wont like, its like cottage cheese I keep thinking well maybe if I try eating this way I`ll like it, but I never do.
    :-) great stuff on the sandwich!!!! That was brilliant I know how anxious you were over it, so well done and if you do start getting anxious now over eating it just remind yourself its only a sandwich, the more you practise eating one the easier it will get.

    xoxo

  4. I hope the sandwich experiment goes well <3 and I'm sorry about your fish, that sucks :(
    I have the opposite problem with boots – my calves are very muscular and never fit into boots whatever my weight. It's really annoying. I would offer to give you some of my calves but a) that's impossible and b) I can't imagine anyone with an eating disorder accepting that offer :P
    Your slippers are brilliant, I love them!

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