I guess I just don’t like coffee?

What happened to autumn??  It seems like we went straight from summer to winter!!  I hate winter with a passion… but it does make this seem a bit more season-appropriate…

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Mushroom barley soup.

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I could probably eat this every day and not get sick of it.  For real.

Last night was very sad… for various reasons about which I will whine soon, have no fear! But I also had the very last of my veggie burgers — the best I have ever tried — which have, of course, been discontinued! :( I was saving it, but I don’t know why… since I would have to eat it sooner or later, I just did. No condiments because I am weird and didn’t want to lose the flavor of the burger itself!!

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I tried another one of the iced teas from POM Wonderful, this time the pomegranate hibiscus green tea.

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I have no idea how hibiscus is supposed to taste, having never had it before… this tea had a nice light flavor which was not unpleasant, but I don’t know if I liked it enough to purchase it.

Here’s the spicy take on the salad in my last post:

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Romaine, baby peppers, chick peas, and this extra-hot salsa!

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The container I used for the salsa fits four tablespoons of water, but only two of salsa.  I can’t figure that out.  But it’s a good thing, actually, because four tablespoons of this salsa would have slaughtered me.  It is pretty safe to say that my search for an extra-hot salsa is over.  This was so hot that my nose was running! I think I killed all my taste buds.

Dead taste buds notwithstanding, I had a Starbucks date with Ellie. I came prepared this time — I brought creamer!  That, coupled with syrup and sweetener, made the coffee bearable.  Still not my drink of choice, but not completely awful.  (Of course, if I was actually in possession of functioning taste buds at the time, I might have felt differently!)

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The Verbal Vomit… last night was annoying because I got ready to go to the pool. I went to the pool. The pool was closed. I was ticked off, but decided that I could use the extra time to work on my assignment for school. To make a long story short, I wasted two hours of my life fighting with Dreamweaver. Dreamweaver won.  AKA, epic fail.

On the joint topics of epic failures and school, I’m having some annoying troubles.  I appear to be in the pattern of either completely skipping it, or calling a granola bar dinner on the nights that I have classes.  It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why — even if I were completely comfortable with eating in random public places, which I’m not, there isn’t a cafeteria anywhere in the building.  I suppose pretty much the only “logical” conclusion here would be to bring along a sandwich… and here I am sitting completely befuddled and trying to pinpoint when on earth sandwiches became so terrifying to me, and why.  I don’t avoid carbs; I never did.  I just can’t figure it out, and I kind of have to.  The same thing happens to me when I see my therapist; I use my lunch hour at work for that, so I can’t really sit down and eat.  Sandwich dilemma again.  Which I’m currently pondering, and the prospects for solving it before tomorrow are looking quite dim.  What other possible solution is there aside from “just stop being such a freak and snap out of it!”??

Sigh.

Off to bed I go.  I really really really really need to accomplish something useful tomorrow!!  In the meantime, get used to this.

icicles

Brrrrr.

Have a happy Thursday!

15 responses to “I guess I just don’t like coffee?

  1. wow is that icicle for real? Jeez! I’m chilled just looking at that!

    Hm. Only way to conquer that sandwich fear? Go stare at a sandwich and EAT it! Yes, just CHOMP it away, enjoy it, digest it, poop it out, and then relax. Then eat another one! Yes, just do it, and that fear will flitter flutter away. I know it sounds too easy, but it IS really that easy. Go forth, and conquer that damn sandwich! Or fly down here and I’m make you one! :-)

  2. I think you love coffee, you just haven’t realised it yet :p I HATED it and forced myself to drink it for years (WHY? Okay…I thought it was cool) and now love it. Try the hazelnut syrup!

  3. I used to LOVE Dreamweaver. I had an old version of it (and this is going back like 7-8 years now!). I feel like they’ve gone and made it too complicated for their own good now. :(

  4. I want your soup :P it looks really nice! And I still agree with you about coffee. I can just about tolerate it with a ton of sugar in it, but I really don’t get the appeal. Plus caffeine makes me crazier!
    Maybe you could ‘practise’ by having a sandwich at home first. When you’re really anxious about something sometimes it’s better to tackle it in small steps, like in exposure therapies. It will get much easier once you’ve done it once or twice :)

  5. I think we skipped autumn here too, freezing here!

    And please sweetheart: just have that sandwich. I know the fears, believe me, and I know the only way to get over them is to just DO IT. Even when every bit of you (ED) says NO, just have it. Maybe even enjoy it (you should!)…and again, and again…until it feels normal (like it should)! That sounds easy, but it’s the only thing to battle that stupid fears and I’ve been there too. Please feel free to mail me for support, you can do this!

    xxx Julia (Taste of Living)

  6. Julia is 100% right. The only way to get over the fears of ED, is to just do it.
    ED says no? Ok, you say yes.
    ED says yes? Uh… how about you say no.
    The whole point is to just go against ED, and it will dwindle.

    At least your weather has changed. Texas likes to tease us and one day its hot, the other is cool. The other is gray, the next is sunny. Gah. I just don’t know!

    I have faith that you can do this, hon.
    <3 karina

  7. Just do it. Be like Nike. I was challenged to have a certain food. You know what, it was scary and terrifying and I was sure all sorts of things would happen. Like you, I couldn’t even tell you why I didn’t like eating them or why I wouldn’t eat them. No idea. I’m sure I had a reason at one point in time. Try it. See what happens.
    Sure, there might be anxiety–but you did it!
    Thanks for your support on my blog, it really means a lot :)

    PS–I highly recommend the raspberry chi–I’m really not a coffee person. I also really like the passion ice tea. I usually get it sweetened.

  8. I agree… try just eating the sandwich. If it doesn’t go over well, have a backup! And as far as time is concerned, this isn’t ideal, but you could always just eat and walk. I’ve marched down the street eating a salad on one too many occasions, but it gets the job done and saves time!

  9. hi! first time reader of your blog here :) i love the name of it! so pretty

    could you possibly eat before/after class? or bring something to drink that is substantial in calories… hmmm. I feel ya on the weirdness of eating in public; i still SO prefer to eat alone.

    it’s wayyyy too cold =\ i love autumn; but am affected by the chill way too easily to enjoy winter during any other time than say, christmas eve & day :P haha

    ♥ chandra @ http://www.prettytimepiece.wordpress.com

  10. I’m not a big coffee fan either (well, the drink…coffee flavoured things are another matter entirely). Just as well really, as the caffeine has such a profound and undesirable effect on my mood.

    I wish I could offer a solution to the dinner problem ~ I’m astounded at how you don’t keel over or faint from lack of nourishment. I hate eating in public too but the opposite tends to happen with me: I scarf down my lunch (usually a sandwich ironically) or dinner and then feel upset that I didn’t get the chance to ‘enjoy’ it properly, which makes me feel cheated and likely to binge. Pathetic, I know. But, as others have said, it should only take once to make you realise that a sandwich won’t kill you (or make you fat!)…it’s just a case of taking the plunge and making that first step ~ easier said than done, I know. But that’s not the only option ~ there are higher calorie bars that are pretty nutritious and intended partially as meal relpacements anyway (think Clif, Organic Food Bar, etc.) When paired with a piece of fruit or some nuts (or both!) they’d be a good option if you can’t face a sandwich? Just a thought?

    I’m not sure it’s a fear of sandwiches that’s causing this but general anxiety over eating in public in general, or a subconscious desire to maximise the opoortunity to skip a meal/reduce calories. You’re not a freak; you’re at the mercy of an illness, one which you shouldn’t berate yourself over. But please try to eat something a little more substantial ~ you’re so tiny already that I’m so worried about you…you honestly can’t afford to lose any more. So sorry if I sound like a nagging, prying biddy but I genuinely care about you.
    <3

    xoxoxo

  11. laurasworthlesswords

    I dont like mushrooms but that soup looks good :-)

    Just be careful you arent letting your ed let you find an excuse to skip dinner or miss a snack, thats easily done. As for the sandwich problem I kinda agree with the others, go for it, its like ripping off a plaster best just to go for it. If thats a bit to much how about trying something like a wrap or pitta bread and building yourself up a sandwich? Or making like a salad with sandwich content type food and having a slice bread with it and then next day trying a sandwich the only difference being you’ve put the salad into your bread? Im not sure if that made sense?

    I cant believe you have icicles already, ohh how I hate winter! xoxo

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