Can it really be called “blogger’s block” if the problem is not that I don’t have anything to say, but that I have too much to say and am just struggling to articulate it?  Full disclosure: I am an admitted language geek, and having just read Reading the OED definitely has not helped this condition.  So of course I had to look up the term “writer’s block,” and as it turns out, yes, I can call my current situation “blogger’s block.”  Either way, I’m going to have to just jump into it somehow, so apologies in advance for the random mishmash that is sure to ensue!

First of all, I hate to sound like I’m beating a dead horse, and this does refer to my last post, so I will try to get through it quickly and painlessly!

About the whole “squash pasta” thing… I just realized tonight how very odd it was that I didn’t find it triggering.  Generally, when someone implies that I’ve eaten less than I actually have, I am overwhelmed with a horrible guilt that I shouldn’t have eaten as much as I have.  Yes, it’s weird and illogical and irrational, and I never claimed it is otherwise, but that’s the way my crazy mind seems to work.  I don’t know why it didn’t even occur to me this time, but quite frankly, I’m not going to complain about that!  Had it been implied in an accusatory way, from out of the blue, yes, it probably would have pissed me off.  But it actually didn’t; I just worried about it being potentially triggering to someone else, because I always hate stumbling across things like that without “advance warning,” if you know what I mean.  And since this is making no sense anymore, even to me, I will let that particular matter rest.

The other issue is the one of my classmate(s).  While neither of them were of the girls who made me hate high school the way I did, I’m not going to lie — I graduated with a very large class, and it was all but impossible for anyone to be friends with everyone.  Yes, I knew them, but I didn’t know them.  As such, it seems somehow wrong to me that I can even say that I am upset by their passing.  Before you write me off as being completely heartless, allow me to clarify… I know that it is a horrible tragedy for someone to die so young, even if they have been ill for years and it isn’t exactly a surprise.  I feel beyond awful for their families / friends who are undoubtedly hurting through it, even though they had a long time to mentally steel themselves for this eventuality.  It just feels wrong for me to assume an “air of grief” about something that actually does not touch me personally.

Though come to think of it, even if something did touch me personally, I would probably react the same way.  My maternal grandmother passed away when I was in the seventh grade.  For the first ten years of my life, we lived right up the stairs from my grandparents, and I spent a lot of time with my grandmother.  It was she, more than anyone, who encouraged my efforts to be a writer — which, it must be said, aren’t always the most inspiring when penned (penciled?) by an eight-year-old!  Because I spent so much time with her, I was probably closer to her than most of my cousins were.  They all cried at her funeral.  I didn’t.  Not because I didn’t care — I think I just have situational alexithymia, or something.  The you are an unfeeling bitch stares don’t go very far toward remedying it, either.

Just one more observation before I get on to some pictures… I’ve always said that if I had to lose one of my senses, losing my sight would disturb me most of all.  But while I knew that I was grateful for my vision (it helps that I work pretty near an institute for the blind!), I don’t think I quite realized just how much it means to me.  I read Robert Kurson’s Crashing Through today, and I found it utterly fascinating.  I also felt indescribably lucky when I went up to my roof to see if I could catch a glimpse of the July Fourth fireworks.  Yes, maybe that annoying spire was obstructing my view, but at least I could see it!

I think I’ve been blathering on for far too long here.  Blogging at 1.00 AM should be avoided, for me anyway.  Some pictures, before I go…

chocolate cherry smoothie

 

"blueberry cobbler"

 

hugh jass salad

berry haul!

baby gift ;p

My sister is apparently going to Costco tomorrow… I have been dying to go forever, but it never seems to work out.  My mom told me that my sister was going but that she wasn’t sure what time… my sister is the type who never plans things out in advance, which obviously drives me batty.  I don’t want to sit on tenterhooks all day waiting to find out if / when she’s going.  My mom’s solution is, “So don’t go to the gym tomorrow,” because she just adores any opportunity to tell me to not go to the gym, which drives me batty too.  (Lots of things do that, apparently!)  I am going to hope that my sister doesn’t go too early, and that I will be able to get to the gym and back before she leaves.  Not that I’m counting on it, or anything…

 

 Have a beautiful Sunday!