Four days…

…That is how long remains until my cousins leave.  It makes me feel rude and obnoxious and all that, but I just can’t wait until they’re gone.  I feel like I’m the guest in my own house, having to sneak furtively around lest I get caught doing something I “shouldn’t” be doing.  I am about ready to pull my hair out of my head.

Last night my cousin came back so late, and of course we had to wait for him.  This didn’t sit well with my anxiety about eating late at night.  My father’s usual speech about my needing to “overcome this” and “stop being so uptight” did little to assuage that, oddly enough.  I opted instead to escape to the basement, where I may or may not have attempted to squeeze out exactly two tears and attack myself with a fork, in that order.  Maybe I should have brought up a set of spoons, since mine was hijacked.  Yes, I’m a nut, but I have this one little spoon that I got on a plane once, and I love it because it’s just so tiny and cute, and nobody else uses it but me… it disappeared for a day, “borrowed” by my cousins.  It’s currently sitting on my dresser.  I ought to just get a mini-fridge, microwave and Porta Potti and call this my apartment.  A table would be nice too, I suppose.  Anyway!

My mom told me that if there are things I don’t want them to eat, I should put them away in the cabinet instead of leaving them out on the counters.  That’s what I did with my applesauce, because I haven’t been able to find them in any stores near me, just near my nutritionist’s, and I won’t be there until after the summer.  Well.  I wanted applesauce today, so I opened the cabinet, and guess what?  …No applesauce!!  My mom gave it to them!!  I was quite disgruntled and decided to go for a banana instead.  Guess what?  …No bananas either!!  So tomorrow I am going to make a special trip to the supermarket near my nutritionist’s house, and everything that I buy is going straight into my “pantry” in the basement.  (Not that this is any guarantee that it will not be discovered, but it’s kind of the only option at this point!)  However, I am not buying any more cereal, because apparently I tend toward more expensive cereals… and while I did squirrel away / bag up the granolas, I feel that it would be way too over-the-top rude, even for me, to just spirit away the box of Kashi Mighty Bites when I know, and they know that I know, that they’ve been eating it… or, alternately, leaving the little people strewn over the house.  Sigh.  No help with the crispy rice, of course!  Because I’d love to be rid of that.

Okay, enough with the cousins already!!!

I got a last-minute text from someone I know, saying that she was unexpectedly in town this weekend and wanting to know if I wanted to get together… and I really, really don’t.  This actually has nothing to do with the fact that I generally don’t like doing things last-minute; no, it has more to do with the fact that I don’t want to see her.  Is that awful of me? … To explain, this girl had / has an ED, but she is also naturally petite.  I am far from petite — though I am the shrimp of my family — and you would think that since most of my friends tend toward the short side, by this point in my life I would already be used to being the gawky giantess, but I’m not.  I mean, I passed by a “little person” on the street the other day, and while by general society standards I would be considered the “normal” one, I still felt like a freak!  I don’t know… it’s just that it seems like a really bad / stupid thing for me to be doing to be shutting myself off from things that I just don’t like being around, because you can’t always control life that way, you know?  Oh, yeah, and there is also the fact that we are way to similar.  You know how I seem to complain all the time?  I know it’s hard to believe, but she is way, way worse than I am.  Seriously.  Together, we’re just one big ray of sunshine!  I was really conflicted about this, because I just felt bad about the whole situation in general, and in the end I just told her that I can’t this weekend.  Was that really stupid of me??

Just a few quick pictures… I bought four spoons yesterday, because they were on sale and only $.99 each and I love buying all sorts of kitchen utensils and gadgets!!  The one on the right is a regular soup spoon, just so you can see the size scale.  The long spoons (gelato spoons?) are because my blender sucks and a lot of times I make a smoothie and end up with icy slush at the bottom that’s too thick for the straw, and the glass is tall so it’s annoying to use a regular spoon!  The medium-sized one, I have decided, would make a perfect “cereal spoon,” and the little one is about the size of the airline spoon I mentioned earlier, except that that one was used for dairy and this one won’t be.  I have issues!

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I also bought a Ball jar, because I want to try and make my own sprouts, and I didn’t think my mom would appreciate my poking holes in the lid of one of her jars!  For those of you who have done this, do you need some special kind of seed for it??  (Probably something I should have figured out before buying the jar, but whatever…)

And I bought this in Target a couple of weeks ago.

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It’s a salt / pepper shaker… a very large shaker.  Except that that is not what it will be for me.

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It’s a cinnamon shaker… so I will no longer have accidents with “dashes” of cinnamon.  Yay.

This is post # 96… just a reminder about my mini giveaway!

Have a beautiful Sunday!  I think there may not be rain in the forecast… I need to process this, because it’s quite shocking.

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9 responses to “Four days…

  1. I love buying kitchen gadgets too. No shame. Makes me happier when eating.

  2. aww, I’m so sorry to hear about all the anxiety that has been occurring at home. I think it is a sign, however, that maybe you really need to work on overcoming such things and try not to be so uptight about the food issue and the feelings of sneaking around. I know it’s a bit harsh but you cannot live like that forever. You won’t always be alone, unless you truly want to be, and there will certainly be other visitors in your life. There will be days when you need to share or when you have to eat a little bit later than normal. I’m sure its so tough and overwhelming but if you find that inner strength, I really believe that you can overcome all of these little hurdles. Your life will be so much easier, happier, and less stressful.

    All in all, i hope the day got better and that your little buys brought a bit of a smile to you!

  3. rediscoveringlauren

    sorry about the cousins still being a pain! I hope the next 4 days goes by fast for you!!
    a cinnamon shaker :) love it!

  4. Stay strong, sweetheart! Only four more days – it could be five. :)

    I know what you feel about thinking you are a giant – I’m 6′ even, and I tower over everyone. I know I’m not huge or anything, but it feels that way – terrible. If we ever meet, you can definitely be the small one. :)

    Love you,
    Emma

  5. I love buying kitchen gadgets/utensils and such. I bought an astounding amount of chopsticks in China, and I actually use them :P Three cheers for some semblance of fine motor skills!

    I’m sorry the cousins are super infested. In four days all this will be done, you’re almost there :)

    Oh, and I’m glad I’m not alone in dorks-ville. I love that you looked up that phrase :D

    I’m sending your cousins calm vibes today :P <3 Jenn

  6. I grow sprouts on kitchen paper in a plastic tray with a plastic lid – highly specialised equipment :p and for the seeds I usually use alfalfa and broccoli, but I’m pretty sure you can sprout any kind of bean (uncooked, obviously), seed or nut if you have the patience for trial and error. Alfalfa and cress are quickest though, you can eat them in three or four days.
    I have spoon issues too :p
    Hope the weather behaved itself for you today!

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