Hardest Words to Say

Over the course of my mom’s … indisposal, I’ve become hyperaware of something I really already knew, but somehow generally managed to ignore. My mom rarely, if ever, says the words “Thank you.” (To me, anyway.) I was just pondering how there are some words that are really hard to say, and I was wondering why that is. Is it really SO difficult for her to tell me that without bracketing it in criticisms? It’s kind of like what you’re supposed to do with small children, when you’re telling the parents something negative about them: Sara is a wonderful child, she is so attentive in class! She just seems to have a little problem with getting her homework done. But when she does it, it’s always so neat! Except in this case, it’s more like, You haven’t been doing that much. I mean, I appreciate all that you’re doing, but when [my grandmother] was sick, [my aunt] did everything. See the parallel?

Anyway. I was trying to come up with a list of things that can generally be construed as hard to say, for no particular constructive reason, I guess. More procrastination? But oddly enough, I am pretty much drawing a blank!

“I’m sorry”
“Thank you”
“I love you”
“I need help”

…and that’s it. I can’t come up with anything else. How weird is that?! What words do you find the hardest to say?

Today is a yucky rainy day… it’s supposed to be that way all week. I’m so tired of rain!! I slogged my way to the lab, then stopped at the fruit store on my way home because I needed alfalfa sprouts, which of course they didn’t have, so I had to go traipsing all the way across the neighborhood to another supermarket… at least they had it! Since I was already there, I bought some other things too, and so I got to juggle home a bunch of grocery bags along with my umbrella. Fun!

Then I finally got down to work. (Well, not entirely true. I did watch the last episode of ANTM, which is why I’m still not completely done.) I have one paper down — the one that’s due tomorrow. I have another one due next week, but that’s when I have all my finals, so I want to get it over with now. I’m so tired of writing papers… so to “cheer myself up, I painted my nails. Orange. (Actually, if we’re going to be particular, it’s “Times Square Tangerine Creme.”)

My semi-productiveness (the laundry in the dryer which I am strategically ignoring aside) is especially impressive because I was up past 2.00 AM and woke up before 7.00! I actually booked a hotel… I don’t know why it was such a great price and I’m afraid to ask, so I’m hoping I don’t wind up in a total hovel. As it is, the location isn’t that fabulous — it’s far from the airport which means an expensive taxi ride, but the room rate makes up for that, I suppose. The real problem is that it’s too far from the dive operator, so I’d have to take a public bus to get to a place where they’d pick me up, and quite frankly, the idea of dragging all of my gear on a bus is unappetizing as it is… but dragging it back, when it’s all wet?! That’s way worse. So I’m trying to find a dive operator that’s closer to my hotel, but I feel bad about potentially cancelling on this one. I always feel like I’m imposing on people when they’re just doing their jobs by putting up with me.

This is just something I found amusing. When buying paper plates that aren’t for a party or anything, we usually get the supersized packages, which for some reason are always irregular. Occasionally this means finding a half-moon instead of a plate, but generally it just means that the print is messed up. Last time, the plates were red and / or white… but there were a few of these in there, which I keep moving to the bottom of the pile because if people use them up then I won’t get to see them and laugh at them because they’re so weird!

I think it’s really time for me to let go. :p

Okay. I am going to be very disciplined now and write this paper, once and for all!!!!

A man wrapped up in himself makes a pretty small package.
~John Ruskin

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7 responses to “Hardest Words to Say

  1. lilveggiepatch

    “I need help” is a hard one for me.

    Love your nail color! I need to wait for mine to grow out before I can do mine… I always peel ‘em off!

  2. Pretty pretty nails!

    Your mom seems to be an expert Jewish guilt-er, haha. I can totally relate!

  3. I can’t remember my mom ever saying thank you/sorry either. Though she expects me to say it a lot :P The hardest thing for me to say is (same as lilveggiepatch) “I need your help”…

    Don’t feel bad finding a different diving place- it’s a vacation, not a “let’s see how much time/energy I can waste dragging soaking wet diving gear around Mexico”-trip!

  4. I need help and sorry are difficult. I think I find apologising difficult because if I do make a mistake, I tend to hide from anyone it affects out of shame rather than just say sorry. It’s silly really, because everyone messes things up sometimes. I love those paper plates, I want some :P

  5. Those plates are hilarious. I’m sorry that your mom has a hard time communicating with you, but I hope she does on some level recognize and appreciate all that you do.

  6. I'm way too tired to read the entire post, sorry. I was just skimming and the format of this one caught my eye, so I started reading it. Over the past few months I've been working on making the hard things to say, easy. The most difficult thing for me to adjust to saying was, 'you're right.' Not necessarily that you did wronged someone else, but that you were wrong about something. For example, you're having a debate and you lose. Conceding is not fun, for anyone, ever. I think that those words were the hardest for me to say.

    By the way, you're assortment of earrings is awesome. :)

  7. Pingback: “Confession” « Blue Eyed Heart

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