End

There is no reason for me to keep blogging, not right now, possibly not ever.  I don’t have the energy for it.  I don’t even have the energy to walk in front of a bus.

I have another fracture, BTW.  And we’ll leave it at that.

On Top of All That

I am getting an MRI on Friday.

Sometimes I get so depressed, I even scare myself.

I was right, by the way.  Knowing what it’s like to not feel depressed, and then having that taken away from you, is a million times worse than having just stayed depressed in the first place.

Unstable

I’m really not sure how I survived before I started running.  It is the perfect outlet for me, and it’s just a shame that it took me so long to realize it.

But.

That poses a problem when I can’t do it.  Sometimes I feel rather bipolar; when I can run, I am almost cheery, but when I can’t, it’s like a big curtain of gloom has descended on the world.  And not that there’s ever a good time to get injured, but now is the worst possible time, what with this oh-so-lovely holiday that has me both protein-deprived and feeling like a fat bloated pig (overdoses of wine and matzah, yay).  I don’t like stuffing my face and feeling like that, but if I get something out of it — in this case, being able to run — it’s slightly more tolerable.  Except that when I can’t run, I kind of fall apart.

Just for the record, the injury in question isn’t even running-related.  I went to work on Friday, and I was fine.  And then at some point I got up from my chair, and I wasn’t.  Apparently, I am so talented that even while sitting still, I can pull an intercostal muscle (or something — self-diagnosis is necessary when your doctor is an idiot, and I don’t need to go to him because he’ll probably just say [again] that I broke a rib).  So I haven’t run since Friday, which is actually only one day off, since I wasn’t supposed to run until today anyway… and I’m already going insane.  And my ribs hurt.

Check back in a few days when this stupid injury has (hopefully!) healed, and I’ll be cheery and chipper.

It’s exhausting.

Being the Example

Huh.  Well.  This is just weird for me.

I had an appointment with my sports nutritionist earlier this week (“sports” being a necessary adjective, since, yes, I do have two nutritionists… don’t ask), and she told me that she used me as an example with another client — a teenaged girl who was worried that gaining weight would negatively impact her running by making her lose speed.

That was me not that long ago.  I was absolutely, positively convinced that if I gained even an ounce, that extra weight would just add onto the bulk I have to carry when I’m running.  But you know what?  The exact opposite happened.  Before the half marathon disaster, I was doing dedicated speedwork, and I was practically killing myself to get under an 8:00 mile (which I finally did manage, barely).  Right now, I’m focusing on building mileage over all else, so beyond throwing in a few fartleks here and there, I’m not working on speed at all.  And guess what?  I got faster.  I can run a sub-8:00 mile now, and it feels a hell of a lot easier than it did six months ago.

It’s just weird to think that I was used as an example of something other than what not to do… because that’s what usually happens.

In Which I (Nearly) Win a Race

I guess this means I don’t have another fracture?… I think I’d probably know by now if I did.  Still, doesn’t stop me from freaking out.  My acupuncturist stated the obvious: even if it is fractured, freaking out won’t really do much good.  Yes, but… logic isn’t always my strong suit.

Anyway, I was supposed to be seeing the osteo specialist today, so I figured that I didn’t have to bother going to anyone else about this.  Except that I am such a massive genius, I neglected to get my labs done, so that appointment has now been postponed until mid-April.  Awesome.  It wouldn’t have helped much anyway — the first 5K was yesterday.

Rather than repeat what I did before the half marathon (skip my last training run because my hip felt weird), I went out on Friday; if I was going to be injured and have to suck in a race, I would rather not start.  And besides, I was planning to wear my new PureConnects for the race, and I had only worn them once — I needed to give them another try!

My hip didn’t feel any worse or better for having run, so I decided to race.  (Race, not run.)

I really love these shoes.  Not aesthetically, really, but they feel so awesome!

Anyway, my new 5K racing strategy is to go out like a bat from hell and keep going until I either drop dead or cross the finish line.  It’s probably why the first mile was the fastest mile I have ever run in my life.

By the time I reached that first mile marker, there were only two people ahead of me.  One was too far away for me to ever catch her, but I used the second one as my personal rabbit: I stayed a few feet behind her for the entire distance, then sprinted past her at the finish line.

My official time was 24:50.9; hers was 24:51.1.  She was very gracious about it — a lot more so than I would have been!  Heh.

So, yeah… I didn’t win, but I did come in second.  And first in my age group, which means I finally have a placement medal that I actually earned (unlike the last one).  I also have a glass trophy for placing second overall, even though it says “first place,” because they can’t get everything right, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with said trophy, but I am hardly going to complain about that!

I’m not even going to complain about the fact that one side still feels kind of strange.  It’s more of a muscle soreness, though, I think.  And oh, apparently you can get groin pain when you’re ovulating.  Well.  Isn’t that awesome.  Does that mean this is going to happen all the time now?!  Because I don’t think I would be able to deal with that.

I don’t know, it just feels very scary to have my happiness hinge on something so… tenuous.  It’s terrifying to know that it could be snatched away from me in an eyeblink.

Freaking the **** Out

Nobody cares about this, and I can’t talk about this to anyone who might give a damn, because as previously mentioned, nobody does.  But I am freaking the **** out.

I have two races within the next two weeks.  These are races I was really looking forward to, for a variety of reasons.  And guess what?

My groin feels weird.

It isn’t painful, but when I first fractured my pelvis, it was more uncomfortable than painful, too.  It scares the crap out of me to try running now.  I was just starting to let go of my fear, and now it’s magnified by a thousand.

I make me sick.

Favorite Time of the Year

My all-time favorite holiday is coming up! (NOT.) It is a well-chronicled fact that I abhor Pesach.  Actually, I shouldn’t say that; I don’t love the holiday itself, but what really drives me bonkers is the preparation.  Especially when my mom is doing it, because she goes waaaaay overboard.  I get a headache just thinking about it.

Anyway, this year I am determined to actually clear out the freezers once and for all instead of storing things in my sister’s spare freezer.  I was quite astonished to learn just how many Steamfresh bags I have!  So, yeah, this is going to be a fun couple of weeks as I eat a bunch of weird, random things in an attempt to consume the things from the freezers.

Sometimes that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  I had about half a loaf of bread in there.  Solution: make French toast.

You can’t tell, but I deviated from the usual “cinnamon / vanilla extract / egg white” mixture, and used chocolate fudge extract instead.  I could barely taste it, either, now that I think of it.  Oh well.

Other concoctions are more bizarre… and most of them look extremely unappetizing, even though they taste fine.  This one wasn’t so bad (in terms of appearance).

And hey — I learned that mushroom soup + nutritional yeast makes a pretty good sauce for vegetables.  Albeit a watery one…

My determination to clear all of this extra food out, once and for all, is spurred in part by the fact that it is cheaper to eat what you already have.  Brilliant, I know.  But for some reason, I am spending way too much money lately, so I need to save it wherever possible!

Spending money: well, I only do it a couple of times a year, thanks to its outrageous price, but my hair needed to be cut.

Then, even though I use my dSLR most of the time, I like having a point-and-shoot that I can just shove in my pocket.  Even more so now that I’m learning many of the races I am doing won’t have official photographers!  I was perfectly satisfied with the one I had — I didn’t care that it was eight years old and only 4.0 MP – but it was really starting to die.

Do you know that the old camera — eight years ago – cost more than the new one?  Kind of funny to think about that.

Then I learned Running Warehouse was having a sale on long-sleeved tops.  I had such a hard time finding those last year, I couldn’t possibly not buy any!

Three tech tops for under $60?  Please.  How am I supposed to turn that down?

Less pleasant, but necessary:

Knee straps help for runner’s knee.  They don’t do a thing for ITBS.  Knee wraps do, a bit, but I hate them because then I feel like I can’t really bend my knee, and it does not breathe.  At all.  I’ve only used these once, but oh, it was blissful.

Although I might be a little biased, considering what happened during that run:

Yeah.  I did not know I could do that, so it was pretty cool.  I was only running fast because I’m trying to do exposure therapy on myself so that I can get over this paranoid fear of getting another fracture if I do run fast… but I remember trying my damndest to get under an eight-minute mile back in September, and I did eventually do it (barely), but it felt way harder than this did.  Weird.

Or else being fatter is good for something.  Hallelujah.